Whether it's self compassion, self confidence, self esteem or some combination of them, what needs to be supported is a sense of agency. That sense that if one really needs to make a change or pursue an opportunity, that they have the wherewithal to do so.
Wherewithal might be 'on my own' or with assistance or guidance from others. It might require creativity or just persistence. But without it, we feel helpless, hopeless and ultimately dependent and depressed.
How can people who lack a sense of agency develop it in a healthy way?
My understanding of compassion is that it is more than trating yourself as a best friend -- that is a short-hand if you have diffculty generating loving-kindness for yourself.
Life does not always give you a choice. You are not always in control (though one should still keep their wits about them). A sense of agency can again, augment the false sense of self, no more different than self confidence or self esteem.
Self compassion is different. It is loving-kindness directed to oneseld whether one is doing great or doing bad, on top of the world or hiding in deep shame, heroically rising above or writhing in guilt, having a strong sense of agency or lacking it.
It is much more painful to recieve loving-kindness when you are wounded. Loving-kindness doesn't soothe away pain so much as bring it into greater attention and allow the pain to be felt, accepted, and change can take place. It is only then that there is a transformative effect.
It can be difficult to generate loving-kindness towards oneself if you've lived a lifetime of self-judgement and self-harm. You might have forgotten what it felt like.
The principal at my kid's high school called it "Self Advocacy". Kids need to have the mentality that they are in control of their lives, they are expected to stand up for themselves, and they need to seek help or speak out when they need something or see a problem.
She was pretty harsh on helicopter parenting, and she did a good job setting expectations with parents, teachers and staff that the students really are becoming young adults in high school and they need to be given respect and responsibility.
Her speech was pretty impressive, and I doubt my explanation is doing it justice, but it was the first I'd heard the term and it really struck a chord with me.
> The principal at my kid's high school called it "Self Advocacy".
Reminds me of a book "When I Say No I feel Guilty", which suggests assertively stating what you desire to others -- even if it's "Because that's what I want and I don't have a good reason" -- as opposed to trying to struggling to frame everything in terms of "Because That's How The World Works".
Not so sure about it. When you are compassionate you often understand how things had to be the way they happened, that everything was determined - at least to some extent.
When you see the power of cause and effect there's no place for blame, just compassion.
Wherewithal might be 'on my own' or with assistance or guidance from others. It might require creativity or just persistence. But without it, we feel helpless, hopeless and ultimately dependent and depressed.
How can people who lack a sense of agency develop it in a healthy way?